Monday 8th January 2024.
I woke in the night completely confused as to where I was. It was strange having a moment of panic before I remembered whose bed I was sleeping in. Molly thought she was getting an early morning walk at 4am because the birds were already singing, but we ended up sleeping on and having a 'lie in'.
I was meeting a friend for a catch up and being this holiday season it's easier to meet during the week. Her husband joined us and it was great sharing stories of the past 7 months.
The husband remarked on how 'brave he thinks I am doing all this travelling and just picking up my bag and going. I explained that the hardest part of my last 3 years of gypsy life, was the initial decision to do it. That was the most scary. I went into panic about my car, my dislike for driving, my finances, my own bathroom and all sorts of very plausible reasons for this lifestyle being the worst possible idea. The couple of weeks before my first trip down to the coast had me in serious fear mode. But eventually I broke the fears into smaller components and one by one my logic kicked in.
I used to have a motivational quote in my therapy rooms about taking the first step. I can no longer remember the exact words, and I thought I had it there to inspire my clients. However when I first took that initial decision, I kept having the image pop up in my mind. A businessman on skis, stepping over a gorge, with sunglasses on, briefcase in one hand, telephone to his ear and a smile on his face. I realised that I haven't stopped smiling since my 5 day journey to the sea. And ever since then, the path really does seem to open up. My faith in that something good is going to happen is now a lot stronger than the fear of something bad is around the corner.
Life has a mystery of it's own, humans like predictability because we feel safer with what's known. I have changed completely to loving the mystery and no longer being able to guess the endings.
I'm predicting this though... my blog for tonight is finished, haha.
Comments