Saturday 5th August 2023
The rain returned with a chill in the air so it was another day of resting and chatting and games played on the phone. My sister asked me where I had stayed in my 20 year old job as a Chalet maid and showed me an Instagram picture of Switzerland.
Ping, suddenly I started remembering that I wanted to return as a 'grown up' so fell into the rabbit hole of European travel.
I didn't decide anything definite but smiled when I recognised one of the Swiss hotels from 36 years ago. There's so many factors and choices and this thing in my hand has made it feel far less scary and possible.
Later on, my sister asked about my plans. I haven't made anything concrete yet. She then asked if I had any notion of staying in one place. I like it when I get asked these questions because my immediate response is very telling. Plus I'm quite tuned into my body now so I trust my instincts in most aspects. My response was one of 'no, not yet'. And I agree. I don't feel 'done' yet and I'm not needing to settle.
I am settled, settled within. My curiosity isn't a 'searching' for something, unlike the U2 song, I'm not looking for anything in particular so I'm very clear that there's nothing to be 'found'. I get twitchy to 'move on' when I've settled for too long but it's not a negative nervousness, it's more an excitement of what I can see.
Reflecting back on the crazy period of Lockdown, when tavel was prohibited, I think my body rebelled. It hadn't seen what it wanted to see, and I wasn't done exploring. It made me realise that as much as I love South Africa, and my life there, I hadn’t done what I wanted to do, which I hadn't known that I still wanted to do. Does that make sense?
After being told 'no, you can't go anywhere ' my body said 'well now .. hold my beer shandy..' Suddenly my tiny budget didn't stop me, my fear didn't stop me, my panic didn't stop me, my lack of online income didn't stop me... and here I am looking at hostels in Zurich. Haha.
Life is a magical mystery full of surprises. Hopefully tomorrow the surprise is a day of sunshine!
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