Tuesday 31st January 2023.
That's the first month of the year done. In some ways it feels like it dragged and then others not. I dragged myself around the block taking Molly for a longer walk. I didn't feel like running and she was super excited to sniff every bush, tree and stone up the one unexplored street so I let her. When I got back, I settled down to continue my adjustments of my page for my writing and creative projects.
One of the questions I don't get asked about my traveling/life is, how do I afford it? People are too polite, but I know they are curious, I would be, haha. In many ways I am surprised I've managed too. Last year all my therapy clients disappeared (I helped them that well, lol) and just recently a long time supporter came to an end too. I must admit to having some panic about finances, but fortunately I've had some housesitting lately, which helps.
I've been tweaking my online business since the dial-up modem days when I ordered an 'online marketing' course which was physically delivered from the US. There were huge lever files full of information and I loved it and saw the potential, but just never....
Yes, of course I had good reasons, one hurdle was international payments into South African banks. These were the days when Elon Musk was still creating PayPal.
But the biggest obstacle of all was my personal resistance to selling myself. I can promote all my friends and their business but I really struggled to do myself the same justice. I've had times when I felt bold and for a short time my income would increase, but I had an invisible income ceiling where anything above that amount made me very anxious and I would give work, clients and money away.
When I started this blog in 2021 I had a wave of courage. I was renting out my property and headed down to Durban to 'try it out'. The years of lockdown pushed me out into the world and I wanted to experience life to the fullest. I received huge gifts from the universe as well as loving support from people, with no expectation of reimbursement and I found myself beginning to trust...life!
After my return from the UK in November 2022, my money trust wobbled again. With my car bump and breakdown, my tooth repair, and a benefactor withdrawing - I realised that I need to address my worth. Mmm, that thing I've skillfully avoided.
One of the most uncomfortable statements I received for many years was 'you deserve it, Cathie'. By implication it meant that good deeds are deserving of good returns. But I know many great and wonderful people that have had horrible things happen to them so that premise felt faulty to me. I preferred the idea of vibration. If I felt rich and prosperous it would radiate towards me. But that too has a faulty premise for me.
(This is turning into a much longer blog than I expected- apologies)
Moral of the story... I have started believing in my worth and although a bit wobbly, I'm putting myself and my work out there. I fiddled with my page and it still needs adjustments, but finally I am ready to use all those 90's arch lever files information online.
My January book is available for purchase. Click here.
It's the price of a Starbucks coffee.
I'm holding my breath, but I'm ready... ( I think)
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