Monday 10th April 2023
The 4th consecutive 'Sunday' without the rest of the week in between, haha. It felt longer than the Christmas days and confused me totally. I had to keep confirming what day it is in my head.
The rain stayed overnight and I woke to a cold and miserable morning which I had to step into because I was doing drop off duty at a taxi rank.
The climb back to bed and TV after my drive was comforting especially armed with a warm cuppa. I watched some more British series and then I noticed the sun come out so I ventured into the garden to check on the damage of the storm. It was all superficial so I did some weeding again, thinking about life as I know it and my occasional need to put myself in a box. Not literally, of course, but my grappling to name my vocation.
At lunch yesterday, I was asked what I'd done since I was back and although I wrote about this last night, the concept continued to churn in my mind. Why the urge to limit myself? To announce that I am one specific thing only? Sometimes my almost-Attention Deficit behaviour makes me feel restless, like I should be content with one thing/one place. But in reality, I've always been curious, wanting to know more, see more, feel more and eat more. I used to think that that hunger came from a place of lack. That when I got my degree, medal, job, career I would settle. But now I know that I am settled. My restlessness comes from a place of curiosity, and joy - not lack!
I'm accepting that I have a busy mind, lots of ideas and fabulous friends. I've learned to be totally in the moment and that my trust muscle has developed into a '6 pack'. Somehow life fuels me, living like I do and even with the limited funds that my ex-broker shook her head to. Somehow I feel calm, settled and at peace and that gives me the go ahead to explore.
One of my other travelling friends has the rest of her year planned on a spreadsheet and I admire her for it. I also know that I prefer having a loose plan and winging it. Both systems work. Neither is better than, they just are. I'm enjoying exploring these new aspects of myself and I am loving my life long journey of looking(and finding) the good. Except it's no longer just an outside search, now I'm finding treasures within too and that's the best journey of all!
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