Friday 13th January 2023
The first anniversary of dad's death. One part of me thinks that perhaps I should have grieved more this past year but it was one of my best years ever.
Apart from all the amazing places I visited, one of the best places was my inner self. In understanding that part of me, I realised that I'd been grieving dad for many years while he was alive. Alzheimers took the man that I knew and I felt my sadness through the years, as he slipped away.
Today I read some of my writings on my visits to him while I stayed in Durban in 2021. I am so grateful that I was prompted to go down to where he lived, in spite of my fears about finances. Somehow I made it. I'm still making it. In spite of a lot of uncertainty with regards to income. I have moments of terror and panic but they don't last long and I return to the moment of now. My mantra of 'I won a car' eases my fear and I relax. The universe has certainly supported me this past year, perhaps my dad in his new form had something to do with it, I'm not sure.
But the year went past without much sadness and grief. Grief is a strange creature, this past year has taught me to totally live my life. To make the best of every situation, even when I feel blah. I have learned to love the now and even reflecting back on Dad's life, the ending might have been confusing but overal he lived it his unique way.
Every day is a gift. I love unwrapping it. This nightime writing gives me a chance to admire the gift and to reflect on all of it. Tieing up the loose ends and package it up for tomorrow.
Thanks for reading, I truly appreciate each and every one of you who read this.
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