Sunday 25th September
Three months till Christmas. It feels like the whole year (and a bit) has been one constant Christmas mood for me and today was a philosophical one.
The weather was dull which suited my introspection plus I was traveling to Edinburgh. An unexpected trip but one that I got excited about because tomorrow I 'meet' the elusive book that I'm basing my research on. It's about HB Marshall's life and I have no idea if it's just photographs or text. It was gifted to HB by a family member to document his life and because of the historical aspect has been preserved. After my Peebles trip, I still had that nagging feeling that the book must be somewhere. I hunted it down this week and I go to the National Library of Scotland tomorrow. Yippee!
As I was sitting on the fast moving train to Edinburgh, watching the farms under the heavy grey sky, I got a flash of absolute bliss. This is my joy, in my face, in my body, in my heart. I was moved to tears, not of sadness but of delight that my dreams are true in this exact moment. It's like I just want to burst. Except I'm on a train with quite a distance to go, so my 'bursting' remains below the surface.
I don't know where this research will lead if anywhere other than my tour in November but I'm experiencing this journey as one big fun adventure. It is almost like the end result doesn't matter - it truly is the journey.
The journey changes shape as I exit the train into the busy station. The Capital is still full of tourists, all happy to be surrounded by granite, castle and bagpipes. I'm proud to be Scottish although I feel like an infant Scot. There's so much to learn, and so many places to explore. But first, I have a half hour wait until I can check in. Sitting in the quiet foyer of my travelodge, I look out the window and feel calm but content until I get in my room. The TV remote doesn't work and the view is straight onto a grey building but neither of these can affect my mood.
I went out to explore and found a fancy cemetery across from my hotel. The wind picked up and everyone clutches their jackets tighter. My smile is under the surface constantly as I point my camera everywhere. I walk down to the Sainburys to get some groceries, ok, mostly biscuits. But a student needs cookies, right?
I treat myself to a meal of salmon and engage in my interesting book once more as early diners meet with their friends. I usually avoid dinner alone but tonight I don't care. I walk back to my hotel with a full tummy and happy heart.
Fear is excitement without the breath -Fritz Perls, MD
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