Wednesday 7th February 2024
Two of my running friends came to 'help' me run on the road. They'd already completed 10km and I was only doing 5, and it was great to be able to chat and have company instead of just dogs, haha. It was already hot at 7.30am so I was glad I hadn't left my run till later. After some chores, the dogs and I sat down to keep cool and relax.
I decided to swim around 5pm. That's late for me but it had been too hot earlier and my Scottish skin would just burn to a crisp. Harley the lab, was very happy to join me too but I managed to keep him fairly calm as he has been struggling a bit with his legs. The water was delightful at a comfortable 25°C and afterwards I sat in the shade waiting for old Avi to do her business. I was aware of the warm envelope of air around my body and it feels like I was sitting in a comfortable glove. Not too hot but just right. I'm not one for sitting in steam rooms or saunas but I was aware of the heat in my nostrils and it felt wonderful.
I am also feeling extremely comfortable in a bikini, against all old habits of thought. Even with my extra bits of flesh, I realised that I have always hated my body. How sad is that? I was too skinny, too bony, and always hid my chest. Polo neck jerseys were my safety mechanism and I have never, ever skinny dipped (Swam naked). In 30 years of having my own private swimming pool, I just couldn't do it. I've never even tanned topless.
Why am I saying this now?
Well all my life I was ashamed of my body. My healthy, strong, able body. I did have a period when I was grateful for it when I started long distance running, but it still bore a lot of hatred. It might be age, but now I'm finally coming to terms with my own flesh and bone and I am less shamed, and less embarrassed by this beautiful vehicle that has carried me for 57+ years.
The fact that I'm even posting this bikini picture here is astonishing, but I'm neutral about it now and it's time I start being proud of myself.
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